There are few times in your life that you can actually really definedly (is that even a word?) express just exactly when it is that you realized that everything was going to be okay. Sometimes it is a lightening strike realization where it just comes out of nowhere, but you can't pinpoint where it started. Other times it's this slow lead up to the realization without the time frame. It is a very difficult thing to come down to.
When exactly did I go from being so downtrodden to having the thoughts in my head that I really can do anything that I want? That in fact, the world IS my oyster and it's ready to be shucked.
Never before have I ever had this level of clarity or peace in my heart pertaining to where it is that I'm going or where it is that I need to be. Every single decision seems like it should have been so simple to come to, it all seems so trivial and simple. There is no pride blinding my way. There is no weight around my neck. I am not bearing any stones. It is just so pure, so simple, and so easy.
If I could explain it all, I certainly would.
If I could help anyone find it, I would travel the world sharing my story.
Instead, all I can do is tell everyone that in this world, there are going to be people that come in to your life and change everything- and you can either be ready to accept that and go with it, or you can fight it and regret it in the end.
For the first time in my life, I opened my heart to letting something just happen instead of fighting against the current and trying to lead myself in a direction I knew I wanted, but wasn't exactly right. I feel myself waking up, irregardless of the situation or what the day may hold, and I honestly am happy about my day. I want to accomplish things, I feel the ambition that I've been missing for so long. No longer am I preoccupied by the mundane bullshit of every day life and wanting all of these crazy material things. No longer do I have the heavy weight on my heart. I'm just simply.... happy.
This is what it should have been like all along. This is how I've always imagined it feeling, but have never quite gotten to experience.
Even after all of my past relationships, even after all of the strong, passionate, extreme relationships that I've been in; ever since Melissa I've had this worry in my heart if I've ever really fallen in love since.... now I know for a fact I have....
And for everything that I've said before, this just IS different. I'm in love. And I know people are going to shake their heads and sigh at what I'm saying I feel but... I can't help it, and I couldn't be happier. After all of my searching for a girl that "completes" me, I've finally found a girl that simply gets me and really, truly does give me the feeling that I am the man of someones dreams.
And the thing that seals the deal is that I know that even if this doesn't last, and God forbid something happens to end it, I know I'll be happy that for at least one moment, I was so completely, and unreasonably happy, and I made her happy too....