Friday, July 31, 2009

Exhale, Another Wasted Breath- Again it Goes Unnoticed....

There used to be a time in my life that I was an extremely confident individual. A lot of people said I was borderline cocky (some of the people who didn't like me outright said I was straight up cocky) and I was able to really turn any situation that came to me into something that I could at least see a silver lining on.

Lately- not so much.

Ever since Onnolee left, I really don't have it in me. I still joke around and make the usual smart ass comments that are expected of me, but at the same time I am so completely underwhelmed by the world. I have reached a point where in all honesty, I can't care anymore. It seems that every time I let myself get a personal investment in absolutely anything, something happens to make me feel like I just didn't measure up. That I am nothing but the fat, insecure, lonely little boy that I was in High School. That I still don't matter.

I wish I could say this is a conclusion that I came to over a period of time, but sadly this was a flash in the pan moment last night as I sat around with people from work. All of the details aside, I just can't keep up the pace that I have set for myself over the past few months. I've been doing everything I could to keep myself in at least somewhat high spirits, only to have one of the last positive shining lights in my life stand up and walk out on me.

I thought I had finally realized what it was that I was doing to myself, but of course, I was wrong.

Even though I like to tout just how "right" I often am, I can't think of a single situation in my own life that I have been able to take my own advice.

It's something I really need to start doing.

Listening to:
Dashboard Confessional,
Again I go Unnoticed

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